My “First” Enlightenment

Many, many years ago…

So long ago it seems as if it is a past life. So many chapters in my life have been read, re-read, read again and forgotten. This is one of those chapters in my life that I forgot existed. You might expect that the moment of one’s enlightenment would be never forgotten, but remembering such a moment is contrary that moment’s essence, and its life is lost in the annals of a memory replayed over and over. I had never re-read this chapter in my life (like I have so many others), but I stumbled upon it this morning while doing some preliminary plastering on my home’s exterior.

And so it begins –

I find myself sitting at the feet of a nameless master. But wait, I must step back a bit to explain how I got here.

I have always sought the most serious answers to life’s puzzling questions – serious answers to this joke we call life, and so, before entering college I decided to go to India to seek out those who knew. I travelled the countryside for months. I had meditated and sat satsang with yogis, sages and fakirs. I had seen it all, and yet still had not found what I was looking for.

I spent weeks at an Ashram waiting for Sai Baba to appear, hopeful that this God could answer my questions. When he arrived, I was granted private audience with him. While he explained to me that he was not the one for me, he said the One was calling and that I must go back on the road. I must continue my journey. Before I left, and in the typical nature of wise ones, Sai Baba muttered something so cryptic (I was rather young and naive) to me that had me wondering as I walked out the door, “Is this God bisexual?” This, in and of itself held no import to me whatsoever, as I had met bisexual Gods before, I just never quite understood them. Gods and men all have choices to make, and it is far from me to judge another. I later learned that this God has controversy follow him like flies follow un-showered Frenchmen (of which there are many – flies and un-showered Frenchmen).

I encountered Babaji some weeks later, and he, too, said he was not the one. I had to ask him in reply, “If all are one, how can you  not be the one?”

He smiled some cryptic smile as his sparkling eyes bored deep into my soul and I ended up with the biggest headache I ever had. He told me to go to the Ganges and bath so I would be clean for my meeting with the one True One. I went to the Ganges, high in the foothills of northern India, and bathed in the holiest of earthy waters. I ended up with dysentery.

After this, I continued on my journey, asking many where I might find the one. People would say, “Ahhh, you seek the Silent One! Continue on your path, young man – he awaits you.”

Weeks had passed as the blisters on my feet grew into slathering, oozing , puss-filled monstrosities fusing with the cotton fibers of my socks. Weeks of doubts, wishes to be elsewhere, hunger I had never known, and sights to behold unfolded before me. I knew I would soon be dead if I could not find the One.

One morning I entered a small village ready to give up on my dreams of understanding all there was to be understood. I asked an old man about the One. He pointed. There was a door. I went through the door. My eyes fell upon a not so unusual sight of a man in robes meditating on a cushion. Could this be the One I sought? Could this be the One that awaited me – that One who knew I was coming to see him? I sat down silently before him and waited.


Hours pass – he begins to snore.

More hours pass – he stirs.

A little movement under the folds of cloth that covered this wise one, and some low moaning begins. Chanting, or maybe only the response of one whose legs are stiff from having not moved from the typically uncomfortable full-lotus position?

I could take it no longer, and so I spoke as this moaning (chanting?) continued getting louder. I asked expectantly and abruptly, “Are you the One I seek?”

His reply?

“Shhhh…. I am Master Bei Ting.”

I knew I had found the One.


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12 Responses to “My “First” Enlightenment”

  1. siderealview Says:

    Great post for birthday time! thank you for sharing. It is truly remarkable that your memory dredged up this experience for you NOW. It is adorable. pax et lux

    • Pete Madstone Says:

      Hi Sweetie,

      I am afraid a little confusion has set in due to the fact that people tend to think I am oh, so honest, and always write of experience or fact. I do recall telling you personnally that I never lie about anything, which may be true (or not), but I should have put a disclaimer on this one, stating that it is a complete fiction – a foray into unknown worlds for me, but a journey to be shared, at least.

      I haven’t been to India in this life, nor have I met a man mastur-bating while in an ashram, but he story makde me laugh when it was first conceived, so I quickly developed it for those who might enjoy – like you. Sorry it’s not true!

      But you – you’re adorable!

  2. Viv Says:

    It took me a while to get the point…but I roared when I did.
    Did you ever hear the story about the goblin….?

    • Pete Madstone Says:

      Thanks, Viv. I don’t usually venture into comedic fiction, but this one just kinda burst outta me. I’m glad you enjoyed.

      Oh, and no, haven’t heard the one about the goblin.

  3. Viv Says:

    Ok, a guy is walking along a street and he sees on the wall a tiny little guy, all twinkly, sitting on top of the wall.
    “What on earth are you?” he asks.
    The little guy beams at him and says, “I’m an elf!”
    bemused, the guy walks on and a little further along is another.
    “So what are you?”
    “I’m an elf!” says the second twinkly wee guy.
    A little further along on top of the wall is another tiny little guy, still twinkly but this one is all hunched over, tight in a kind of seated ball.
    “Let me guess,” says the guy. “You’re an elf, aren’t you?”
    very slowly the little guy uncoils himself, raises his head from his lap and gives him a massive grin.
    “Nah mate, I’m a-goblin’!”

    Ta dah!!

    • Pete Madstone Says:

      Okay Viv!

      All things being equal – you got me, too. I had to read and reread and reread, the last time noting the subtleties in the wording, and yes, I finally got it. These goblins are like dogs, they go there because they can.

      Thanks, sweetie!

  4. liberatedself Says:

    I haha, I had it narrated to me by my inner comedian and it was hilarious. Loved both stories that you guys posted up!

    Good tuesdays to the both of yuh!

    • Pete Madstone Says:

      Hey yuh,

      Good to hear from you, old friend! I do apologize for being out of touch, but I have been following your work from the shodowlands. So much going on in this thing we call (physical) life, building houses, homes, caring for those we love — all that good stuff (and I’m serious about that. It is all phenomenal – in all respects in how the word can be defined by Webster’s.

      Good tuesday to you on this thursday, Nick !

      Glad you like the story (and it is original, but inspired by my muse, Cathy).

      Love ya’, bro!

      • liberatedself Says:

        no worries madstone,

        I read your posts from the shadows most of the time as well, so it’s no big deal! Its awesome to hear that you have so much going on and hopefully its all exciting lively stuff. Good mondays to you and I kind of suspected that this story was an original, and its marvelous!

        Love ya too buddy! 🙂

      • Pete Madstone Says:

        I like that word – marvelous – and thanks. All is good and lively. I sometimes wonder when I’ll be able to sit back in a lawn chair just to watch some life drift by, but alas, not for now.

        BTW, I like your last posting!

        See ya, and be well through all the days.

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